This is my prayer in the desert...

“This is my prayer in the desert, when all that’s within me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides…”
One of my favorite songs by Hillsong is “Desert Song.” I know, that’s a lot of songs in one sentence. This song is such a powerful anthem. It proclaims a choice that no matter what, God is still God and there is still a reason to worship Him. All of this is fine and dandy when the sun is shining, but what about when it storms? What about when your world is turned upside down? What about when your spouse dies, or your child dies, or you lose your home or you don’t have food to eat, or when it seems there is no one else in the world who possibly loves you? Is God still God then? The answer is a resounding yes.
The last year and a half have included some incredible moments where I have felt the manifest presence of God. When I would worship, more specifically when I would sing, I feel God’s presence. I could look at a sunrise and feel so overcome by the presence of God at the beauty of His creation. However, for the past month or so I have felt completely dry. It’s almost work to feel even a tinge of God’s presence, especially compared to what I’ve felt in the past. Admittedly there is fault in my own actions in creating what seems to be a chasm between me and the presence of God. I would listen to nothing but secular songs over and over again. Now, I am not saying that secular songs are evil and one has to ban them in their playlists. I enjoy the occasional John Mayer/Robin Thicke/John Legend combination. I am saying that if one is already starting to feel dry spiritually, the answer isn’t to weigh oneself down with music that does not glorify God or necessarily usher in His presence. So, I cut out the secular music but guess what, the problem wasn’t fixed. I finally admitted to myself that I am indeed in the desert.
Monday, I was praying with one of my friends and God gave me this vision of me being in a desert (big surprise). However, everywhere I looked and everywhere I went there was this well with me. God was showing me that yes I’m in a desert, but He is still with me. In the NASB version of Hebrews 13:5 God’s promise states, “…I will never desert you, nor forsake you.” Even in a desert, God will not desert you.
I wrote this blog in order to be transparent. At 23 I definitely don’t think I have all the answers. However, this is what I’ve concluded. I need to surround myself with things that bring life to me. For me these things are reading, writing, playing the guitar, and worshipping. [Worshipping and singing are synonymous for me because I can’t separate the two]. I also have covenant sisters that hold me accountable to reading my bible daily. It is important to not only read the bible but to declare its truth to yourself. Psalm 103 begins with “Bless the Lord oh my soul.” Even when your soul doesn’t feel like blessing God, DEMAND it to. Also, I sat down and asked God what He wants me to learn from this period. He wants me to learn how to find rest in Him alone. The great thing about God is when you seek after Him you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13)
I won’t sit idly by and sulk through this desert period. I acknowledge that I feel dry. I feel so dry it’s practically arid. However, I am too in love with the creator of the universe. I belong to Him. He is the Lord God Almighty. His name is PROVIDER. His name is HEALER. “Desert Song” states, “ALL OF MY LIFE, IN EVERY SEASON, YOU ARE STILL GOD, I HAVE A REASON TO SING. I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP! This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness, in trial, or pain. There is a faith proved of more worth than gold, so refine me Lord through the flame.”