My whole life I have always known I was different. Even as a child, I indescribably felt that I was set apart from other people. Physically, I couldn’t help but stand out. I was 5’1’’ in 3rd grade, I was taller than my mom in 4th grade, and by 5th grade I towered over most people at my elementary school, including my teacher, at the ripe ole height of 5’6’’. Even beyond my hard-to-miss stature, I knew I had a different personality than others. I was the kid that all kids, even the so-called weirdoes, flocked to and felt safe with. My whole life people have told me, “There’s something different about you.”
Unfortunately, for most of my life I have fled from being that girl. I didn’t want to stand out. I am awkwardly clumsy because I’m not quite sure how to handle my physical stature. I have shied away from titles of leadership because I didn’t want to be the one that was seen. I believed in Jesus at a young age but I never spoke outwardly about my relationship with Christ. I always sang in the church choir and I remember wanting to lead songs but not wanting to lead songs because I knew I wasn’t good enough or I didn’t want to be noticed. I remember my freshman year at UNC this guy randomly said to me, “You’re a Christian, aren’t you?” and I sheepishly said yes while in my head I was screaming out “Not again!”
There was a pivotal moment in my life where I realized that I was made to stand out. I mentioned earlier that I believed in Jesus at an early age. I was six and God miraculously healed me from a crippling disease. One day I was paralyzed from the waist down, the next, I was walking. I knew it was the power of God that healed me. I knew I loved God and I knew He was real and I loved to serve Him, but I never quite grasped what it meant to give my life to Him. When I got to college, I did everything to prove that I wasn’t the goody-two-shoes that I have been called my whole life. I went to clubs and sought unhealthy attention and gratification from men. By the end of my freshmen year I was nearing a crossroads; I could live for Jesus or live for me. I was then presented with the gospel of Jesus, the truth. I was separated from God through my sin. I could never through my own efforts fix that separation. God took the initiative and came to earth as Jesus and died as a sacrifice so that I could have access to God. In order to have that access, I would have to repent, meaning turn away from/stop doing what I was doing, and turn to Him. This is truth. You have a choice to accept it through faith, or deny it. Through God’s grace I accepted it.
Someone recently encouraged me to look back over my life and see how God has pursued me. I see now that He has set me apart, not for my own benefit or for me to get attention, but so He could use me. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, “For I know the plans I have for you…” God has called all of us to be set apart. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” I was created to be a 5’10, musical, writing, caring, loud-laughing, motherly, quiet yet strong, and silly woman of God. I’m different, but so what? I’m supposed to be.
